I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
