Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
