hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
