I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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