He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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