sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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