my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
