I think I am morally bankrupt
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
