Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
