His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
