It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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