I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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