Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize