I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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