fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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