C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize