Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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