2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
two words...techno handjob
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
