sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
