I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
