i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
