I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you traded sex for a burrito?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
