You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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