He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
