If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
