I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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