i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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