I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
