I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
