my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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