i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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