dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
