We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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