you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
