there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
