i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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