fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
