He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
