No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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