How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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