Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
