Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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