I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
