i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize