Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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