Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
