I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
