i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
