every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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