maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
