Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
