You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it because I queefed?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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I need you to use more vowels.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
