she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
