and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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