I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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