from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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