You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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