dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
