Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
