If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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