I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
