woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
