I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
