i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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