I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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