Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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