I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize