you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
